when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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