I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
40s are totally the cure
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
