I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize