Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
