I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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