I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
