She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have fence marks all over my body
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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