I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
