I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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