You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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