remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
