As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
