hell yes lets make some ravioli
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize