How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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