I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
