so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
