Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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