Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
