I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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