no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
