no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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