mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's official drugs can't kill me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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