we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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