If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
