Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
