:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
