dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
