remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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