remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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