when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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