sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
