I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
