nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize