i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
