my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
