i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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