FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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