false alarm. still invincible.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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