just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
