we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
