cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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