fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
