Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
