ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
