If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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