i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
