Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
