i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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