so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
