your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
