I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
