Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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