whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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