Where is the hickey?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
