it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
