Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
