It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
