I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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