He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
