It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
