I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
