M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
