I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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