I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
