are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it glows. i had to have it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
