at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
a search helicopter?!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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