I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
