It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
