there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
