This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
