I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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