she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
