Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
