Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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