i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
